Author's Note: this is just a parody of all the tropes that I experienced by reading all kind of book and novels. I do not mean to belittle them or their readers, is just a joke about the most abused tropes and cookie cutter scenes that recur very often, no matter the author.

Let me know in the comments if you liked it. I will either keep it in the auxiliary chapters or delete it, based on your response.

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That morning the classroom was already filled to the brim. Several teachers of the academy were gathered there for no reason at all. Powerful mages always had too much free time at their disposal.

Suddenly, a youth walked in. He was handsome and unrestrained, exuding an aura of confidence that made evident him being a peerless genius. His presence became more overbearing with every step.

"Dear heavens! Who is that youth of unparalleled manliness?" The female students were of course top tier beauties, wearing long chi-paos that revealed ample part of their generous bosom and let them show their long jade like legs from the side slit.

Soon blood rushed to the face and the most private parts of the young and pure maidens, making them bloom like red roses.

The handsome youth was of course Lith, our protagonist. His black, silky hair moved with each stride, his smile was filled with nothing but unrestrained power. He knew that in that small world he was peerless beyond reason.

Dazzled by his appearance, the professors decided to test his wits, so see if such overbearing talent really belonged to a true genius.

"What do you think about the Dao of magic, young master?" Said an old man whose beard almost reached the floor.

"Such an easy question." Lith's boundless self-confidence filled the whole room with admired gasps. He was the kind of man that every woman wanted, and every man wanted to be.

"He who strikes first, strikes twice. Buy low, sell high." His reply made the male audience turn green with envy.

"So young yet so wise and knowledgeable about Taoism and philosophy! He truly understands the Dao! Heavens don't have eyes! Why him? He is just commoner trash! Why it couldn't be me?

I come from the [insert pompous name here] family. We have hundreds of years of artifacts and legacies, yet I am nothing compared to him!" Everyone thought.

The female audience, instead, had already fallen head over heels for him. All that they could think about was how to capture his manly heart and how many children of him they wanted to bear in their wombs.

But Lith hadn't finished yet.

"The cat is on the table. It's a quarter from nine."

Those simple words revealed a profound and unfathomable wisdom. Soon the professors realized that it would take them years to understand the truth about the Dao that was hidden behind those words.

At the same time, the female audience raised the baby count by one, some even by three. They were healthy young ladies, after all.

Soon the evil envious prince from the powerful Envy family couldn't take it anymore.

"You are courting death!" He bellowed.

He moved with unbelievable speed, arriving in front of Lith in the blink of an eye. He was the most nondescript character one could imagine. The only defining trait he had was a T-shirt saying: "Hi, I'm the bad guy."

"You trash, how dare you taint this sacred halls with your presence? Kowtow to me nine times and call me your grandpa, and I promise I will not kill you."

The professors gasped. They were all archmages, hundreds of years old. But what was their pride, the school honour, not to mention nonsense like the rules of the kingdom in front of that youth?

He was Prince Bad Guy from the Envy family, whose power they didn't dare to offend. So, like the archmages they were, they squealed some pathetic excuse and hid in the background.

"Poor Lith, he is destined to die. No one can offend the Envy family and live to tell the tale." They thought as one.

Lith was unaffected by both his words and t-shirt.

"You are just a side character, scram!" With a wave of his hand, Lith sent Bad Guy crashing into the wall, keeping him alive for no reason other than to gloat at his misfortune.

Bad Guy coughed a mouthful of blood, his bones were crushed, his internal organs bleeding, his dantian almost crippled, but his ego was stronger than ever.

"Uncle! Please save me! This b*stard dared to hit me! So despicable! Why did you refuse to die when I politely asked you to?"

Lith wanted to reply to such senseless words, but another nondescript character appeared. He was older than Bad Guy, and his t-shirt recited: "I'm the Uncle."

The professors were so scared by his appearance that they hid in the previous page of this very same chapter, trying to escape his fury.

"That's the legendary Bad Guy's Uncle! Now Lith is really done for! He refused a toast only to drink a defeat."

"Who dares to hurt my nephew? I'm Uncle [insert boring wannabe threatening speech here] from the Envy family. Cripple your dantian and cut your own arms, and maybe I will let you live as a dog."

"Such a compelling offer." Lith sneered.

"But you are a side character as well. I have no time to waste, scram and make the final boss appear!" Lith sneezed, and the power of that simple move broke down Uncle's body and will, sending him crashing in the wall right beside Bad Guy.

"Oh Patriarch! Please avenge us!" He said coughing a mouthful of blood before passing out.

"Who dares to defy the Envy family?"

A heaven-defying bellow shook the whole academy, while Patriarch Final Boss descended from the sky.

"Oh God! It's Patriarch Final Boss from the Envy family! We are here by accident, we don't belong in this novel!" The professors left the pages of the novel, running for their lives.

His nondescript character's t-shirt saying: "I'm the Final Boss" was all the proof of identity anyone could ever need.

"I admit you have some talent, young MC. But it's time that this story goes back to its rightfully tracks! It belongs to my Envy family!"

Lith laughed coldly.

"Did you even bother reading the title? It's Supreme Magus, not The Envy Chronicles! Enough wasting pages, do your worst!"

"How dare you correct me when I am so wrong even a blind, deaf and dumb man would notice? Take this hit if you dare!"

Final Boss unsheathed the Black Phoenix Evil God Cyber Monday Sword, a peerless artifact that the Envy family had passed on through the generations.

The sword light was filled with boundless power and knowledge, sword intent could be clearly seen piercing time, space and even the Author's patience that was growing short with so many filler words in the same sentence.

The audience felt like Mount Tai was falling down from the sky, the pressure of that strike was unbearable even for the spectators. No one could possibly imagine what Lith was feeling under such killing intent.

It was pure and unrestrained boredom!

Lith didn't move from his spot, simply ripping open his robe, he revealed what was hidden inside.

The world class beauties, imagining him to be stark naked underneath, experienced non-stop nosebleed, to the point that the most delicate ones fainted on the spot.

The simple idea of his dancing chiselled pecs, big enough to play chess over them, and a six-ab pack hard enough to act as a washboard was too much for a young maiden's mind to take.

But Lith wasn't naked, on the contrary.

Under his robe, lied the strongest weapon of all creation.

"Oh my God!" Said a professor that had tripped in the webpage address, and hence was still there.

"Shiny as silver, light as silk but durable without equals!"

"No! It cannot be!" Even Final Boss, despite still performing his strike was able to catch a glimpse of the true nature of his opponent.

"That's right!" Lith laughed a handsome, overbearing, manly, peerless, genius laughter.

"It's the legendary plotinum armour, better known as plot armour!"

"Hi there! I'm the Author!" The armour said. "Now scram! I'm not gonna change the title of my work for a nondescript cookie cut character like you!"

"Nooooo!" When the sword and the Plot Armour collided, Final Boss disappeared from existence, and so did Bad Guy and Uncle.

And so Lith lived happily ever after, never knowing exactly how many members his harem reached, despite having an intimate knowledge of every and each one of them.

...

Author's Note: This isn't a chapter. It's just a list of the characters in the volume 2 in order of appearance, to help the readers remember who is who. Skip this if you have yet to read Volume 2 or if your memory doesn't need help.

White Griffon Academy staff:

Headmaster Linjos : The young headmaster of the White Griffon academy, tryin to reform the institution on behalf of the Queen.

Professor Jian Trasque: Holds the "Theory of Combat Magic" class, teaching the students the importance of first (chore) magic and how to use it to survive close encounters, when fake magic is not available.

Professor Valesa Nalear: Holds the "Principles of Advanced Magic" class, teaching the students a method exclusive to the six big academies on how to cast tier four spells and above.

Professor Vastor: Professor in charge of the Healer specialization class.

Professor Duke Marth: Head of the White Griffon Light Department. A brilliant mage and the only one capable to handling Manohar. Dittomarth's Cameo.

Professor Krishna Manohar: Nicknamed the "god of healing", is a genius mage with a wild and temperamental attitude. Eddicted's Cameo.

Professor Lyca Wanemyre: Professor in charge of the Forgemaster specialization class.

Professor Rugan Thorman: Professor in charge of the Mage Knight specialization class.

White Griffon Academy relevant students:

Yurial Deirus: Son of archmage Deirus, undertaking two specializations: Healer and Warden.

Friya Solivar: Daugher of Duchess Solivar, undertaking two specializations: Healer and Mage Knight

Quylla from Cerea: An orphan from a backwater village, aiming to become a Healer like Lith. Before coming to the academy, she suffered from a bad case of malnutrition.

Visen De Brae: Part of Lith's Group during the Mock Exam. He is studying to become a Warden.

Milna Kratic: Part of Lith's Group during the Mock Exam. She is studying to becomea War Mage.

Phloria Ernas: Part of Lith's Group during the Mock Exam. She is studying to becomea Mage Knight.

Belia Ulphar: Part of Lith's Group during the Mock Exam. She is studying to becomea Battle Mage.

Forest Creatures:

Scarlett: Boss of the forest, is a giant powerful Scorpicore that helps supervising the exams that take place in the wilderness. Scarlett's Cameo.

M'Rook: A Ry (Lusername Cameo), a wolf type magical beast. Scarlett second in command and leader of an elite squad.

Sentar: A Cron,a hawk type magical beast. Member of the elite squad under M'Rook.

Termyn: A Cingy, a boar type magical beast. Member of the elite squad under M'Rook.

...

Author note: the story starts in chapter 1. The prologue introduces the MC and explains his background. Feel free to skip it if you are not interested, but as the author, I recommend reading it.

No matter if you were an optimist or a pessimist, Derek McCoy's life couldn't be judged to be either good or bad. It was just a mediocre, insignificant existence.

His father was bipolar and during his depressive episodes, he would disappear into his bedroom for days. He would emerge solely to eat, use the bathroom and for the occasional 'let's make your life miserable' fit of rage.

During his manic episodes, he would work like a madman, but not having any talent as a businessman nor as a social climber, he was unable to become successful and establish connections.

Whenever he decided to actually take his medication, he was just a couch potato that would stand up and go to work only to avoid being despised by his neighbors and peers.

Whatever his mental condition was, he was always a perfect example of an abusive father.

In his eyes, his sons were always a disgrace.

They never studied hard enough, they were never obedient enough, nor showed him the respect he demanded.

He considered it his paternal duty to remind them that such things weren't tolerated under his roof.

He would yell at them for the slightest mistake, constantly repeating to them that they were just parasites, leeching off his hard work to survive.

When words weren't enough, or when they failed to meet his expectations with school grades or chores, there was no teacher like his leather belt.

Hence, Derek and Carl had quickly learned how to fend for themselves. Their absent-minded mother had forgotten about them right after giving birth. She dedicated her life to the pursuit of peace and quiet, staying as far as possible from her spouse's tantrums.

Derek was two years older and he tried to take care of his little brother in every way that he could, but to no avail.

They grew up reading stories about heroes protecting the weak and upholding justice, yet no hero ever appeared to save them.

Every week, they would be forced to go to church to worship a nondescript benevolent god and his son, the savior of all mankind. No matter how much they prayed or how good they were, no miracle occurred.

After begging the heavens proved to be useless one time too many, they simply stopped believing in heroes and they crammed instead of wasting time with prayers.

School was their oasis, but that lasted only until sixth grade.

Once they started middle school, it didn't even take a month before the bullying started.

Their cheap clothes and gloomy dispositions made them easy targets. They were so used to being tossed around and insulted that they didn't even bother trying to fight back.

For a long time, Derek considered it the worst time in his useless life. After a month, he knew he could not take any more of that, so he tried to make things better.

He reported his father's abuse to social services with an anonymous email, but being overworked and understaffed, the social worker made a brief visit and never came back.

Then he tried to end the bullying by reporting their aggressors to a teacher, who in turn washed her hands of the problem by reporting the matter to the principal. The principal did not want to meddle in what he deemed as childish pranks.

He called Derek's parents to inform them of the problem, hoping they would let it slide. The principal's wish came true, whereas Derek took an extra beating for not being man enough to face his own problems.

"Are you really so stupid that you never learned anything from me? Never delegate! If you want something done right, do it yourself!"

Derek had never felt so helpless and desperate. That night he bawled his eyes out until he fell asleep. That had been the last straw.

The following day, he felt different, clear-headed like never before. It was not the time for despair anymore, he needed a plan.

It would take him years to realize that something inside him had died. He was no longer able to trust, hope, or develop any sense of kinship. He was surrounded by enemies and to survive he needed to be able to fight back.

So, Derek asked his father to let him join a dojo and learn martial arts. To his surprise, he did not have to beg nor even ask twice.

Derek's old man was glad that his wimpy, scrawny, and all-around poor excuse for a child was finally interested in becoming a man. His only condition was that Derek was not allowed to quit for at least one year, otherwise he would make him regret wasting his hard-earned money.

Not only did Derek start practicing Jiu-jitsu almost daily, he would also wake up two hours earlier every single day to build muscles doing push-ups, squats, sit-ups and running until he was out of breath.

In a few months, he was able to do 100 push-ups, sit-ups, squats and run for at least 10 kilometers every day before going to school.

Jiu-jitsu soon proved to be a perfect choice for his situation. At low level, it was mainly focused on self defense, but there was plenty of space for attacking and fighting dirty.

By practicing martial arts, he finally discovered something he was good at. He was not particularly nimble, nor a fast learner. His hand to eye coordination was also average at best.

His talent lied in the ability to exploit the best time to hit a sensitive spot during a block or a defensive maneuver.

Even when the sensei was teaching sword or tanto arts, Derek was always able to grasp the killer moves on his first try, sometimes even before the sensei completed the practical demonstration.

It was an exciting yet disappointing discovery, since his only talent had no practical use. Even if Jiu-jitsu was a sport with tournaments, hits to the groin, eyes, and trachea were universally forbidden.

For months Derek kept training hard while keeping a low profile at school, planning his next move.

At the end of the first semester, Derek stopped hiding from the bullies and started replying in kind to every single insult they threw at him, using the best quick-witted roast lines he had found online.

Derek was careful to never go to the bathroom or to remain alone for too long, always keeping an adult witness in line of sight. It did not even take a full day before his enemies were gunning for him.

Only when the veins almost popped out their necks, did he throw his bait.

"I have had enough of your sh*t, as*holes. Meet me in an hour behind the grocery store between Lincoln and 3rd. Or are you too scared?"

"Since you're cruising for a bruising, I will happily grant your wish you fag*ot. It will only be you and the three of us, alright?"

Derek nodded without believing him in the least. He was right.

When they entered the back alley, they had brought along two more people.

Derek was waiting for them, leaning against the wall at the end of the blind alley.

"There you are. I was starting to think you would stand me up." Derek said.

"Sorry we were late. Hope you do not mind us inviting some friends to the party." They replied with a laugh.

Derek shrugged while grinning from ear to ear.

"No problem. No matter the quantity, trash will always be worthless. I chose this alley because it has enough dumpsters to accommodate all of your friends."

The last line hit a nerve and they charged at him blindly.

"Gang up on him guys! Do not let him escape! Let's show him who the real trash is."

And so, they fell into his trap. Derek had prepared the terrain right after choosing the best spot for the fight. A blind alley only has one way out, and as they approached the end of the alley, they weren't able to see the tripwire Derek had set due to the dim light.

The first two fell down hard onto the concrete, and those behind them were so worried about not trampling on their friends that they never saw the steel pipe coming.

They came in numbers, Derek had come armed. Using the pipe as a club, he quickly hit them respectively on the head, the side of the knee, and in the groin. Only then did he start hitting the two that were trying to get back on their feet.

While they were moaning and sobbing on the ground, he used a small knife to cut the tripwire to be able to move freely. He beat them again and again with the metal pipe, giving special attention to their nether regions.

Deep inside, he knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't care less. If the world was bound to be unfair, the only possible course of action was to make it unfair in his advantage.

So, he took out the taser that he had 'borrowed' from his father and tased all of them until they fell unconscious in a pool of their own urine. After that, he stripped them completely and took many photos.

After arranging their bodies so that they would seem to be spooning each other, Derek even made a short video. When he was done, he splashed them with a bucket of cold water and sealed the deal.

"Sorry to ruin your Brokeback Mountain moment girls, but I need your attention for a minute."

When the bullies woke up, they were in so much pain that they barely noticed that they were naked and embracing each other. Retorting to Derek while he still had a firm grip on the steel pipe was out of the question, so they kept quiet and listened.

"I have made quite a scrapbook out of you all and even a short movie. I uploaded everything to my computer and to the cloud. It would be terrible if someone, I don't know, me for example, uploaded them on all the biggest image hosting sites. You know what they say, the internet never forgets."

The bullies started crying and begging.

"Imagine how terrible it would be! Whenever someone would Boogle your names, be them your grandma, your girlfriend, or even the colleges you will apply to, the first thing to appear would be those photos!"

"Dude, no!" "Please, I don't even know you. I was just doing a favor for a friend!" "It was only a joke, please forgive me!"

The choir of begging gave him goosebumps. Derek wanted to puke at their hypocrisy.

"I do not care about your pathetic excuses! From this day onward, you will leave me alone. And you better pray that nothing happens to me because the cloud is set so that if I do not enter the password every day, it will upload them everywhere."

Without waiting for their reply, he turned his back to them and walked away.

"Almost forgot, I threw your clothes into random dumpsters. I can't remember which clothes went where. If you don't want to go home in your birthday suits, you better start digging. So long suckers!"

Derek returned home euphoric, almost singing. He had never felt so proud of himself and had the completely undeserved confidence that he would never have to think about those b*stards ever again.