Webnovel

Chapter 1: 01- "Ever since then loneliness and I have become friends"

" Amy wake up, wake up" I heard the annoying voice of my elder sister calling me. God she's already pissing me off without doing anything.

" I'm up already Sarah, you don't need to scream like you want to kill me" I said to her.

"I don't have your time this morning bitch, anyways mom said to come wake you up as today is your first day in college. I seriously don't know how you got into college since u're so dumb" Sarah said to me.

" When you're done talking, you'd leave, as you can see I'm about to go to the bathroom" I said as I stood up lazily from the bed and went into the bathroom to take my bath.

" You're re just like your dead father, so bitchy and fucking stupid" Sarah said as she left the room.

I sighed and started going back to the good old days when my dad was still alive. Things weren't like this, we weren't too rich neither were we too poor, but we were happy, we were one big happy family.

I closed my eyes as I put on the shower and let the cold water pour down on my body.

I finished bathing and wore my robe, went out of the bathroom to my dressing table, today is my first day in college so i have to look my best, I dried my body and applied lotion, afterwards i applied some skincare products, then went to my wardrobe to take my clothes.

I'm not a flashy kind of girl who likes flashy things, so you could already guess how my wardrobe looks already, haha. I picked a pair of blue jean, with an ash colour tee-shirt, I decided to go simple, I picked a pair of white sneakers to match my clothes, made my hair into a messy bun.

I was dressed up in about 6 minutes then rushed downstairs to eat.

Oh forgive my manners, I haven't introduced myself properly.

Hello, I'm Amy, I was born in Louisville, Kentucky. I'm the only child of my father and mother, grew up in Louisville, had friends, attended schools there and now I'm 21.

I just gained admission into western university of Kentucky,my dream school, majoring in creative writing,I love to express myself through writing hence why I chose the course.

I'm 5'6ft, pale skin,brown hair, loves dull colours, loves dressing like a guy, uhm...I mean who doesn't, loves skating, and writing as you know.

My childhood was really fun, I had whatever I wanted even though we weren't as rich as some other families. My mom and dad were the best kinds of parents one could ever ask for.

They were so precious to me that I didn't allow any one to use them to get to me. The news broke me when I heard it. Though it wasn't at the same time, still it pains my heart. Let me just tell you how my lonely life began.

********

Flashback

It's been eleven years since mom and dad died. Ever I heard the news, I had become numb, lonely, depression crept on me with full force, I became a shadow of myself.

I used to be so happy...but now I'm just There. I don't believe in happiness or that anything can make me happy anymore.

If I was asked to choose between me dying and my parents, I'd gladly choose myself.

When my mom died, dad and I felt like a part of us had been torn out. We felt hopeless.

Mom died in an accident. According to passerbys she was driving calmly on her lane when a car came out of nowhere and crashed with hers resulting into an accident that claimed her life.

The driver had several injuries and was unconscious. Dad and I tried to tell the police to take up the case, however, due to the fact that the driver was a son of an influential person, we let the case slide.

It pained me as we couldn't seek justice for mom. This made me hate the system, the country and myself cause I couldn't do anything.

Dad tried to make me happy always and not make me feel the absence of mom. But whatever he did couldn't make me fully happy. Though I didn't let it show.

I know he was trying his best to act like he was okay, but I could guess he was also going through his own grief.

After two years that mom died, dad decided to remarry because he thought I needed a mother figure. I tried to make him see reasons not to, that I was fine without anybody but he said it will be best if I had a mother figure so I wouldn't feel lonely cause he had also resumed work.

I was 14 when mom died, 16 when he decided to remarry and 18 when he died.

He works at McLean county news as an editor.

Dad met a woman called Tracy, she was his co-worker and bestfriend, I guess at the time.

"Hey dad, I'm back" I said as I entered the house.

As soon as I entered, I met dad and one woman I hadn't seen before in the living room. They were chatting and laughing, I have never seen dad laugh like this since mom died.

"Welcome home sweetie, how was school?" He asked after noticing me.

"Fine dad, uh...who is this?" I asked him

He looked at me as though he wanted to answer but didn't know what to say.

Before he could say anything, the woman said to dad " it's okay Ben, let me introduce myself". Then she turned to me and said,

"Hi, darling, I'm Tracy, I'm your father's co-worker".

I looked at dad and back at the woman, I could already tell what was going on but I wanted dad to confirm it himself.

I left the living room to go to my room, I couldn't believe what was happening, dad likes the woman and she likes him too does this mean he's going to marry her and she'll automatically become my step mom.

"Nooooo" I screamed

I laid back on the bed and cried out my pain, how could dad do this, I just hope it isn't what I'm thinking at all. The clouds turned dark as it started raining, it felt as though the skies felt my pain.

Dad came knocking after hearing me shout, he knocked and after sometime I didn't hear the knocks anymore. I feel like he had gone back after getting no response.

I cried and cried until I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and sat on the bed, all the memories I had of mom, dad and I came rushing back in as tears filled my eyes again.

I wiped my eyes,and went to the mirror, I looked at myself and I looked so untidy.

I sighed as I took my clothes off and headed into the bathroom to cool myself off. I turned the shower on cold, It felt like I needed a cold bath to wash my thoughts away for sometime, even though I knew they would be back again.

I came out of the bathroom and dried my body, and went to the wardrobe, took out a jogger and a black top to wear as I was at home. I dried my hair and applied lotions and wore my cloth.

I figured I had to talk to dad, but I didn't know what to do, so I just sat back and started thinking about all that happened.

Was I overreacting, or I was just overthinking things?...with these questions in my head, I knew I had to find out whether or not I was right.

My stomach started rumbling, 'shit, I haven't eaten since yesterday after I came back from school'.

I ran downstairs, only to meet the smell of chicken and also something that smelled like marsala sauce and rice?

Ran into the kitchen like I was being chased and met dad, making rice and chicken marsala.

"Morning dad, it smells so good" I greeted dad and said to him.

"Morning sweetie, how was your night?" He replied as he looked at me with worry in his eyes, and as if he wanted to say something but just held back.

"Just two minutes more and it'll be ready" he said to me. I nod my head and sit down on the chair.

"Dad...I'm sorry about yesterday, I was just shocked and thought you didn't have mom in your heart anymore that you wanted to replace her" I said to him

He put off the gas and quickly dished the foods for the both of us, as he held my hands and said to me "oh Amy, I understand how you feel,I came yesterday to talk to you but when I knocked all I heard were your cries, so I left you to be alone. It's not like I forgot your mom or anything, I just feel we, especially you Amy, needs someone to look after you and make you feel more alive".

I looked away from him as I fought the tears in my eyes, " do you really have to do that dad?, I know you also deserve your happiness but...i really don't think we need anyone in our lives now" I sniff back my tears and said to him.

"Amy try to understand me here, ever since Chloe died, you haven't been the same, I'm just trying to do the best for you and I hope you understand" Dad replied.

"It's okay dad, I respect whatever decision you make" I said after I took the last bite from the plate.

After that day, dad and I still talked about it, that's when he told me he had proposed to Tracy already, and told me that she also has a daughter almost my age.

The wedding went on as planned. Whenever Tracy was around in the house, I avoided her, not like I hate her, she just couldn't fill the void in my heart.

*******

One day Tracy got a call from dad's workplace.

" Hello, who is this" Tracy said as soon as she picked up the phone after it rang for some seconds.

"Hello, is this Mrs Blake?" Someone said from the other end of the phone.

" Yes, it's me, what happened?" Tracy asked the other caller.

" I am an employee from Mclean's county news, your husband was just rushed to the hospital some minutes ago, I don't know more than this ma'am "

Immediately after the phone call Tracy ran to the hospital, I followed her. On getting there, we went to the counter, tendered dad's name and we were directed to the room dad was, we went in and saw a nurse checking the ECG (electrocardiogram) and putting something down in the note with her.

Tracy and I rushed to his side, he had a breathing mask on and some wires were connected to his chest. It was so hard for me to see dad in that position. I have lost mom and I'm not ready to lose him just yet.

Tracy, cried holding his face, she didn't have a clue what could have gone wrong with his health, neither did I.

The nurse told her the doctor wanted to see her.

Tracy went to see the doctor while I stayed with dad. I was still trying to gather my thoughts on what could have happened to dad for him to be admitted at the hospital, that's when Tracy came in.

From her eyes, I could see she was holding back her tears, I wasn't that close to her but I needed to know what was wrong with dad.

I looked at her as she sat down, I didn't know what to do so I moved close to her." Tracy, what did the doctor say is wrong with dad" I said to her.

She hugged me and said "Amy....the doctor said your dad had a heart attack and it's critical at the moment, the doctor also said in coma"she started crying after

I was shocked by what i heard, I know what dad was going through was much but not to the extent of causing him a heart attack that will lead him to coma.

We, Tracy, I and her daughter Sarah kept checking up on dad. Then all of a sudden one day we got a call from the hospital, it was the doctor calling Tracy telling to come there immediately.

On getting there, we headed to the doctor's office. "Welcome Mrs Blake, please have a sit" the doctor said.

"Thank you very much doctor, is anything wrong?" Tracy asked.

"Uhm, Mrs Blake, I don't know how to break this down to you but I'm sorry, we couldn't save your husband".

Immediately he said that, it felt like my whole world crumbled within that second. I just sat frozen with my eyes wide open staring at the doctor in disbelief. Dad is...no he can't be gone I told myself, I looked at the doctor again and asked him more clearly to clarify if what I heard was true.

"Uhm...doctor, you said you couldn't save him, save him from what?" I said calmly even though I was screaming inside me. He replied me and said "I'm sorry, but he had another cardiac arrest while in coma, we tried our best but there was nothing that could be done as it was already late, I'm very sorry".

Once I heard that from the doctor, tears ran down my face without me even knowing, I stood up immediately, even though there was no expression on my face, I didn't have any idea where I was going, I just wanted to be gone for a while.

I walked and walked until I met myself at home, in my room, I just laid back on the bed and everything came rushing in. I couldn't believe what I heard, it felt like a dream to me, I waited for someone to push me back to reality but I guess it was indeed the harsh reality I needed to face.

Ever since I came to terms with it that dad was no more, I distanced myself from my friends, though they were few, from colleagues, even Tracy and her daughter. Tracy is a good woman, and I know she's holding in so strong, she has always treated me with care but I just couldn't let her fill my heart. Mom and dad dying had left a big scar that no one could ever heal.

I became so depressed, lonely and frustrated. At some point I wanted to end things up by just committing suicide, but I thought dad and mom would not like that even if they were here. Ever since then loneliness and I have become friends.

End of Flashback

**********

Back to reality

"Oh my!, It's 9:30, I need to go now" I said as I rushed the toast and tea Tracy made me.

"Bye" I yelled as i ran out of the house.