Chapter 1: On Top Of That High Chair ~summer special~ (Felgard's note)
It's just too hot today. Why is it do hot all of a sudden? I asked people why and all they say is something about today being summer. I mean what does the season have to do with the temperature anyway? Weird world were living, right? Ah..! It's just too hot... I really feel like going to the beach. Hm? But why would I go to the beach if it's hot? Strange... Anyway it's just too hot. I wonder why the such a season exists. Huh?! Perhaps it's to cook people alive slowly? Could it be that the world is just a large oven where us living in it will be food to the gods? Ah, wait then why is there winter?.. Ahhh...! Maybe the heat is just baking my brain, making me think of such stupid things.
Still, this heat won't be a burden. This good for nothing weather shall not be a hindrance in my dream, and that is... to be a lifeguard!!
Indeed, indeed. That is my dream. The life of being on top of others while looking down on them. To have the respect of all the beach people. Ah.. I'd sure look cool on top of that high chair. I bet the temperature is cooler there too. Plus the better scene of the beach. Damn that current lifeguard, hogging all the good stuff to himself. Everyone said the person with the highest authority on the beach is the lifeguard. This makes him a very cool person huh? For sure I'll be a lifeguard... But how?..
Ooh, I'll just ask the current lifeguard how... But won't it seem like I'm begging to be one if I ask? No, no. Think straight Felgard, what can you do for people to recognize you as a lifeguard... Hmm... First of all, what do lifeguards do?.. Well, the word is about life and guard so, I guard lives? No, no. I bet it's something more complex than that. My mother once told me, "To be smart, you have to think of the complexity of how things work." Indeed, what a genius my mother is! So a lifeguard does, uhh... Perhaps I should go to the beach first. Well, I'm already on my way there, so I guess I should just head over there.
Wahh! The beach is sure to be crowded in this hot temperature. Therefore I should probably sneak in silently and see how other lifeguards do their stuff. It's always good to observe the enemy before heading off to war. My mother told me that too, isn't she a genius?
Ooh! Indeed the beach is pretty crowded. It's full of people wearing less clothing than usual. I wonder why? Then again, the girls are wearing something on top. I really wonder what's in there why they're so ashamed to take it off. The guys aren't so why?.. Anyway, their not my focus right now. What I need to do is observe how lifeguards do their thing. Hmm... Lifeguard, lifeguard..... Ah! There's one!
For sure that's a lifeguard, right? That topless guy wearing short shorts and sunglasses? He has this stance where he seems to watch over everyone. Ohh! There it is!! The high chair!! Ah! He climbed up. So he is the lifeguard. Okay, now to observe him do his thing....
....
....zzzzzzzz..... Huwaah!! Ah! I slept! What's this then? Will he not do anything? So it's boring to be a lifeguard? Still the authority I'll be having, thus I shall continue my observation...
Ohh!!! He suddenly went down! Now where is he going?.. Swimming I see... He's quite in a hurry, but to where?.. Oh! Someone's waving a hand from a distance. Eh? It's a woman... So he's just womanizing?.. Wait, aah! She's drowning!! Hooo! I see! I see! So lifeguards... they save lives!! Hahaa! Look at the people praising him!! Ah.. So envious I am.
Ok! So lifeguards save lives. Indeed, indeed. So to be a lifeguard, I need to save someone. OK! So I'll just patrol the entire beach and wait for someone to drown. Indeed, indeed that shall work. OKAY! Operation find someone drowning!! Commence!!
So I'll remove my top shirt... There we go. Now I'm ready! So where should I begin... Hooo! How about there, at that huge rock cliff. That seems dangerous. And where's danger, there's someone to save. Another one of my proud mother's genius quotes.
Hmmm... Seems like there's nobody here... They're all exactly at the beach where the lifeguard is. Ah, to be surrounded by people relying on you... How nice....
Hmm? Is that humming I hear?.. I better check it out. Eh? A girl? Why is she here? And isn't that part deep? Hohoo! Perfect! I'll just wait until she drowns, and then I'll heroically save her. Indeed, indeed, good plan there me...
Well, she's quite enjoying herself with all that humming... Ah! She dived in. Now for her to wave her hand screaming for help...
.....
Wait, she's not emerging from the water... Ah! Could she be in danger now? Oh, no... Oh, wait... Oh, yes!!! Now's my time to shine!
"Wait for me! I'll save you now!!" Okay, let's dive!
*splash*
Hooo... The water is cold. Now where is she... I must dive in deeper... Still not here? Where could she be?.. Ah! There she is! Okay... Fast swimming mode!!
*wrroosh*
*grab*
Okay, to the top we go!! Eh, she's stuck? She won't budge! So that's why. Well then, Super Fast Swimming Mode!!!...
Guuhhhh....
Grrrrrhhhhh!!
Fuhuwaahh!! And we're out! Yahoo! Mission success!!
Hehee... How's that? Pretty heroic right? Now for your gratefulne-
*slaaAAAAAPPP!!!*
"Gackkhh!!! Oi! What's with you? Is this how you repay someone who just saved you?"
G: "You... You stupid fool!!"
*SLAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAAAAP!!!!*
"Oioi! W-w-wait a moment! What are you slapping me for?" Ah, it hurts...
G: "What for?!! Your asking a lady whose body you just touched what the slaps were for?!! You pervert?!"
"Pervert?!! I saved you from drowning!! Of course I'll have to hold you!" And what's the deal with girl bodies anyway? Why must it not be touched? Does it have anything to do with why they wear top clothing on the beach?
G: "Huh? Save me? A-are you serious?!! Don't you even use your eyes or something?! Try looking at me!!"
"Looking at you?" Mother once told me if a girl wants to be seen as a woman, she has interests in him. But what kind of interests does she have with me? I mean we just met and all...
G: "Hey are you listening? Take a good look at me!"
"A good look at you..... Heeh?!!! Your feet are attached to each other!!"
G: "Fool!! Here... Have a closer look!!!"
*SULAAP!!!"
"Guhuaackhh!!"
*splaash!!*
G: "So, finally realized?"
"Y-you have fish tail as feet! Ah! Your a mermaid??!!"
G: *sigh* "Truthfully, what an airhead you are... Yes, I'm a mermaid, plus the best one there is!"
"Ah, mermaid huh... So that's why you are here instead of with the other beach people." Wait, mermaids are sea folks, so if I savena mermaid from drowning, then doesn't that make me a lot better than a standard lifeguards? I mean, to be able to rescue someone living in the sea...
G: "Beach people? Listen here, I don't go with you humans because you are humans. Seven years ago, you destroyed our home because you want all the fishes for yourselves. That's why I will forever hate huma- Hey! What are you smiling into space for?! Are you even listening?!!"
"I've decided!"
G: "W-what?.."
"I'll save you from drowning!! That way I'll be the best lifeguard there is!!"
G: "HAAAAAAAAAHHHHH??!!!!"
"Hehe... Prepare your words of praise, for I Felgard Beachthrone, shall be your greatest savior! Uhh... your name?..
G: "Frieshell Mirraden... Wait why am I telling you my name?!!"
"Because I asked for your name of course, that's why you gave me yours."
G: "You..."
"Ok, so Frieshell... Prepare to endanger yourself, and wait for your savior, the glorious me, to rescue yo-"
*TAIL SUULAAAAAAAAPPPPP!!!*
G: "Like that will happen!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......"
*twinkle*
And so, that shall be the plan. To rescue that mermaid from drowning and be the best lifeguard there shall be in the face of this world!!! Ah! I can't wait!!! To be on top of that high chair!!
