Webnovel

YOU NEED A COVER TO ATTRACT MORE READERS. you also need to lengthen your chapters. do some work on your synopsis too. but apart from this, your story's not bad. keep trying

Alright, I feel like a broken record player and I know for anyone who has seen my reviews will no my words well. Read your chapters before you post! Look it's not a race, it doesn't matter who long or short your chapters are but read your chapter prior to posting so you minimize mistakes. In chapter three I'm pretty sure you wanted to say lifted but you typed ifted. If you think someone isn't going to understand your words, expand make them. You can use difficult words but lead up to it so they flow leaving the reader satisfied with their understanding or question their vocabulary so they can look up the meaning. It means they care about the work and want to know what was meant, it's a good thing. Or if you are really worried write their meanings in the author's thoughts. Too much info is not a bad thing but don't overload someone. Next, your characters talk but who is who? Example A-san, B-san, C-san. "The weather is nice." "Maybe a little too hot." "Nope, I'm uncomfortable." Guess who it was... Answer all was A-san. Given them some more depth and emotion. Especially if you want your reader to see them say it in a different way. Example "The weather is nice." A-san said half heartedly as she looked up at the blue sky. "Maybe a little too hot." she mumbled as she started to fan herself with her hand. "Nope, I'm uncomfortable." She complained as she slouched under a tree and vegged out. Here you have a painted picture of what was said and why. You have the capability to be descriptive, your first sentence in your first chapter proves that but you rushed to get chapters out. Cover page for your novel. CRITICAL! It's your eye candy to draw people in so get one. If you lucky go on the forum and see if anyone is happy to give you one. Synopsis, do one! It's a snippet of your novel. A teaser is you will so people can stop and pounder if they want to give it a chance. Last bit of advice, the thing with family members reading your novel. Unless you are in a completely open and non-restrictive relationship your novel will only grow so far. With family you start to feel self conscious about your work and miss some key points in character growth because family members are reading. Do not put a leash on yourself! Be creative and daring! Let the movie playing in your head be shared with your readers by being descriptive, paint a master piece with your words and don't look back on the haters.

Honest review here. There are too many grammatical errors, misplaced word orders, and a pile of ideas all at once for it to be an enjoyable read. You obviously have a good idea and some well fleshed out main characters here. There's a lot to work with, this is good! The execution of your good ideas however is lacking in presentation. Editing your work is essential to refining what you have to greater heights. As many other have said, check your work. Try reading your work out loud to yourself and ask "Does this make sense?", "Does this flow well?", or even "Does this sound good?." I also would recommend to pace your story better. You clearly have a lot of ideas you want to express but they're coming out jumbled.You can write quickly but it should clear enough to understand. Pace and use more transitions. Happy writing! I wish you all the best on your journey! Don't give up the love of reading and writing because of your family's opinions. You don't have to prove anything to anyone but to your own self. You are enough and you are always growing.